


Wishing

by BlazingNerz



Series: Haikyuu song fics [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Regret, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24124507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazingNerz/pseuds/BlazingNerz
Summary: Tsukishima knew he messed up, he let the one good thing he had for him slip through his fingers.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yamaguchi Tadashi/Terushima Yuuji, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Haikyuu song fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740697
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	Wishing

"Kei."

Tsukishima jumped, fingers scrambling on his phones to quickly switch tabs. The blonde pulling up a video trailer for an older Jurassic Park film. His eyes glanced up to his open door as he watched Kuroo enter, the older currently struggling with getting his tie around his neck correctly.

"What?" Tsukishima's curt response came. 

"Jeez, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?" Kuroo spoke, hands on both ends of his undone tie and eyes locked on Tsukishima, concern evident. "You alright?"

Tsukishima rolled his eyes slightly before rubbing at his face. "Yeah yeah.. Just tired Tetsurou." He stood, walking over to Kuroo before starting to help him with his tie, Kuroo frowned. 

"Kei.."

"I'm fine okay? I promise. Didn't mean to snap at you like that." He stepped back, admiring his work before looking at Kuroo once more and doing a rare thing. He moved forward and kissed his boyfriend's cheek, leaving Kuroo red faced.

"Now go kill that interview."

"You got it, I love you." Kuroo spoke the words so easily, so carefree as he turned to the mirror, giving himself some last minute adjustments, all the meanwhile Tsukishima was frozen, fighting himself mentally to say the three simple words.

Or at least they should've been simple. 

"I… I love you too." And with that, Kuroo gave a smile, grabbed his coat and left.

Tsukishima Kei, was indeed, an idiot.

The used to be middle went back to his and Kuroo's shared bed. He plopped down and picked up his phone once again, swiping back to the previous tab he was on, his heart broke.

_ "Here's to two years <3, I love you Yuuji." _

Tsukishima viewed the Twitter post from Yamaguchi. His eyes fixated on the green-brown haired male, Yamaguchi's arms were around a shorter males neck, the usually shy and reserved males face showed a bright and cheerful grin. Terushima looked up at the male in his arms with pure love. The cocky, two toned hair color male had calmed down over the years, expressing his love for Yamaguchi throughout it all. 

Tsukishima scanned the photo and his eyes caught the glint that the camera picked up. 

Yamaguchi's wedding ring.

Tsukishima clicked the power button of his phone off and let it fall to the bed beside him, the palm of his hands coming to his eyes and wiping at them quickly.

Tsukishima Kei, does not cry.

* * *

"Hinata just let me see Tadas-" 

The orange hair male stepped in front of the taller male with an annoyed look. 

"He doesn't want to see you."

Tsukishima's face turned into a scowl, however guilt filled him quickly. It was the end of their last game for their third year, Tsukishiam didn't mean for it to happen. And he sure as hell didn't mean for his whole team to see it.

"Hinta get the hell out of my way."

"No." Hinata spoke again, eyes angered. Kageyama stepped out of the room behind him, the room Tsukishima desperately tried to get into. The raven hair male's eyes glanced at Tsukishima before settling on his shorter boyfriend. 

"Yamaguchi wants you." Hinata gave a quick nod and disappeared into the room, Kageyama crossed his arms and looked at the blonde.

"What the fuck? The tangerine can go in but I can't?"

"First. Don't call Shoyo that, Secondly, we don't let cheating dipshits anywhere near our friend."

"Kageyama I-" He froze, watching as a red face Yamaguchi stepped out of the room, Hinata by his side. The male's eyes were red and puffy, dry tear streaks adorned his face but the anger in his eyes and the frown on his face was enough for Tsukishima to go quiet, voice coming out in a whisper.

"Tada-" 

"Leave."

"Tadashi please I can expla-" 

"Leave." Yamaguchi spoke again, voice hardened as he continued. "Go to Kuroo. You can live freely now right? No more hiding."

Tsukishima's eyes lowered towards the ground, guilt tearing him from the inside out. Okay, he had been attracted to Kuroo for a bit, okay maybe he had done things that he shouldn't have done, more than once. But as soon as he saw Yamaguchi's face, multiple emotions appearing in flashes before the captain ran away. He knew that what he wanted wasn't Kuroo, it was his best friend that he just fucked up everything with.

"I did everything for you. I was loyal to you. I felt safe with you, I loved you." Yamaguchi spoke, teeth gritted, "And this is what you do?"

Against his better judgement, Tsukishima snapped. 

"'This is what I do?' You won't even listen to my explanation! You've got fucking Hinata and the King as your personal body guards and won't just talk it out with me like a man Tadashi! Stop being a fucking wimp-" Tsukishima eyes grew wide, Hinata's and Kageyama's grew more disgusted and Yamaguchi just froze, sniffs coming from the male once again as his cold facade broke and he went running back into the bathroom.

"Tsukishima. I've never meant this more than I do right now. Fuck off, and leave." Kageyama spoke before him and Hinata followed behind their friend. 

* * *

Tsukishima uncovered his eyes as the memory faded, his eyes on the ceiling above him. The sight slightly blurred as he blinked away tears. 

After the incident, Tsukishima found condolence in Kuroo. Tsukishima being Tsukishima came off and told the Nekoma middle that he didn't care. 

What a lie that was. 

The blonde sat up from his laying down position, he hadn't seen anyone from Karasuno in two years. He hadn't seen Yamaguchi in two years. 

He missed him.

His phone logs showed no evidence of Tsukishima trying to reach out either. But if you looked into his history, you would find all of the call logs deleted. All of the times that he tried to call Yamaguchi to no avail, he was always ignored. Hell, he even tried to call Hinata and Kageyama. Alot. 

He missed them too.

There would be time's that Tsukishima would go back and visit Miyagi, hoping to run into his ex that he knew still lived there. He didn't know what he would do if he saw him, he didn't know how Yamaguchi would react either. It had been 3 months since Tsukishima's last failed attempt to reach him.But Yamaguchi had unblocked Tsukishima on his social media, so that was a good sign, right? 

Gathering up all of the courage he could muster, Tsukishima grabbed his phone and typed in a number that was embedded in his head like how to block a volleyball. He lifted the phone to his ear and waited.

One ring, no answer.

Two rings, no answer.

Third ring, "Hello?"

Tsukishima's heart quickened, his voice cracked.

"Tadashi?"

"Tsukki..."

"I miss you." Tsukishima quickly spoke, pride be damned. 

The line went quiet before some shuffling was heard and a raspy, ' _ Where are you going?'  _ entered Tsukishima's ears.

Terushima.

"Just going outside babe, don't worry." Tsukishima could hear the smile in his ex's voice and he looked at the empty side of his own bed, the side where Kuroo would lay next to him at night, holding the blonde in his arms. A quiet  _ 'Kay..' _ was heard from the line again.

"I miss you too." Yamaguchi's voice brought Tsukishima out of his own thoughts, the blonde could hear cars and birds from Yamaguchi's side of the line. He must've gone outside.

"You uh.. You actually answered this time… Thank you."

A small hum came from Yamaguchi, "Yeah.. I've- Yuuji and I talked about the situation a while ago. He wanted me to try and give you a chance, crazy right?"

"Tadash-"

"But you know, I thought about it and he was right. I should, so I waited for you to call again, but you never did. Thought you had moved on."

Tsukishima moving on? That's funny, it's been two years and not one day went by when Yamaguchi didn't cross his mind.

"I.. " Tsukishima's voice faltered, what was he supposed to say to that, "I'm sorry.." 

The line went quiet again before Tadashi spoke, "Why did you do it?"

"What?"

"Why did you do it?" The voice spoke again, a bit more confident and firm from before.

"I was a hormonal teenager Tadashi, I… Back then, the stories I was hearing from Bokuto, I thought we we're taking it too slow. That you were being too slow. And now that I'm saying that again, it's really fucking ridiculous and stupid but that was the reason. Kuroo offered that to me and my stupid ass took the offer without even thinking about how you would have felt"

Nothing. Tsukishima continued.

"We were dating. You were my  _ boyfriend _ , I shouldn't have done that. No excuses that I could ever make would make what I did better. Never. But, I just want you to forgive me. I'm so fucking sorry, I ruined everything and I knew it the moment I saw your face. I knew what I really wanted, not sex, not fucking stories to brag about. You. I wanted you and only you. If all you ever wanted was to just hold hands and cuddle I would have done that because I wanted you. I loved you. I still love you.."

The line was still quiet and Tsukishima let out a nervous breath, "Hello?"

Yamaguchi sniffled, shit. 

"You couldn't have thought to tell me that beforehand huh? Before I met Yuuji?"

"You wouldn't answer me-"

"You knew where I lived, Tsukishima."

The use of his full name hit him like a brick.

"I, I did but-"

"So why didn't you ever come? If you really meant what you said right now, wouldn't you have tried harder? I was still in love with you too, for  _ months." _

"Tadashi, I didn't know any better."

A chuckle came from him, "Yeah, I know that. Everyone knows that," He paused and more shuffling was heard, "Yuuji is calling me, if I let him try to cook breakfast he's going to burn the place down. I have to go."

"Tadashi."

"Bye, Tsukishima." 

And like that, he was gone once again. His childhood friend and ex had answered that call with the same joyful tone he talked to the blonde with when they were kids. And he ended that call with a monotone voice, it wasn't Yamaguchi's cheerful voice, he knew that for sure. 

Tsukishima ruined their relationship so badly, Yamaguchi wasn't even the same person with him.

That hurt him like hell.

Tsukishima didn't notice the streams of liquid running down his face either, only noticing when he felt the cool wetness contact his thighs as they fell. Tsukishima Kei was crying. Tsukishima Kei was crying over Yamaguchi Tadashi.

He really, really fucking missed him.

And when Kuroo came back home that day, with a pep in his step and a smile on his face. Tsukishima did his best to return it. Asking him about his day and learning that the black-haired male's interview went well, it should have relaxed him, made him happy, but it didn't.

And as he sat here on his couch, scrolling mindlessly through Instagram he saw a picture Hinata posted, a throwback to their third year of Karasuno. The game they won to advance to nationals, he saw the happy faces of all of his old friends and Kohai's, he saw Hinata jumping on an annoyed Kageyama's back, he saw the face of Yamaguchi grinning up at Tsukishima, who wore his normally bored expression but held up a peace sign. 

Tsukishima gave a wobbly smile and a choked sob came from him, he instantly turned his phone off as he heard footsteps behind him. 

"Kei? Babe what's wrong?"

"N-Nothing.." He lied, "Muscle cramp.." 

Kuroo's face turned from a worried one to one filled with sympathy.

"Ah shit, I know how bad those can get. I'll get you a warm towel and some water, yeah?" 

Tsukishima nodded quietly, "Thank you.."

Kuroo smiled and held Tsukishima's cheek and leaned down to kiss the crown of his head.

"Always."

Tsukishima watched Kuroo walk away, and the blonde desperately tried to feel anything for the man besides a very close-bonded friendship. He couldn't, but Tsukishima wouldn't let Kuroo know that, not after everything the male did for him.

The blonde's heart still laid with Tadashi, the one he chased away. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Day 2 with the song fics! 
> 
> This day's song? Wish I was better by Kina!


End file.
